Sweet Surrender

We have made it to day 25 of the Love Dare. So much has happened since I took the challenge of the dare. Years of walls that Charles and I had both built as defense mechanisms have crumbled. Time spent as a family is more precious and sacred.

A couple of chapters of the dare have dealt with Addictions and Lust. Of course this could be gambling, pornography, infidelity and drugs, but those addictions did not apply to our family. We have dealt with addictions to Netflix, Face book, Blogging, Video Games, Work, and delaying family time to Clean the house. These things might not seem much, but they slowly creep in and were barriers getting in the way of our family time. So we set family boundaries.

I am getting up earlier to have some me time, take a shower, read the bible and pray, prepare for the day (making lunches, signing homework, and working out if time permits) This allows the family time to sleep and energize while I am feeding my soul. Charles and I only get on Face book with each other, and to share updates and funny stories with Abby. YouTube is watched at night before bed, blogging is done on my lunch time, we watch a movie together as a family after dinner, if video games are played we are all in the room being a fan of the player. We even work as a family team with house cleaning we all pitch in to vacuum, steam mop, and deep clean daily. The house is tidy and this makes for a happier family.

I was a real hot mess before I met Charles, I had dealt with so much physically, mentally, and I had faced death on more than 1 occasion. I really think I had a hard time forgiving myself, no, I know this. You can’t stop your body from getting Cancer, but you can sure change your perspective on the way you deal with it. If someone has a sure will to hurt you, you can’t stop them, but you have a choice to stay in the abuse, or find the will to leave and put trust in God. I had been through all of this, but so had my children and I had a really hard time forgiving myself with allowing my kids to watch this. Doubting myself, hating myself, and when I would start to feel good about decisions I made as a parent, I would start to hate myself again. I knew my kids deserved better than what I had to give. The truth is “THEY DID”. It was up to me to get on the right path with God. Surrendering and giving Him my imperfections, my doubts, my insecurities laying them all down at His feet. This has been a process, it did not happen overnight. I have learned that God loves me despite my imperfections and he does allow illnesses to happen. I also know that the girls need a mother, and they love me. God plucks one bad root out of me each day and plants new seeds that I am nurturing and passing on. Surrendering my life meant forgiving people and forgiving me.

God gave me a True Partner in Charles, it’s not 50/50, 60/40 it’s 100/100. We 100% rely on God to guide our family and we 100% trust in Him to lead us, and we 100% love our family and we believe our family and time with them takes first place. The Love of God is euphoric; it fills emptiness, loneliness, anguish, and fear. Do I get sad because I miss my dad? Do I get anxious and lonely to see my family? Do I think back on the past and get overwhelmed? Do I look at my checkbook and think what in the world are we going to do? Well absolutely, daily. But I am able to deal with all of these things so much better now. I just talk to the Lord and give it to Him. My perspective changes, my mind is filled with a plan of action (God doesn’t do it all, He does require we do and play our part); but daily our family is renewed, strengthened and loving the Joy.