The Love Dare never ends!

The Love Dare has been an amazing journey. It really holds you accountable for your actions and how you choose to look at marriage and family. It has tought us about what we needed as a foundation builder of our family.

A true testament of what marriage is meant to be “sacred”, one man and one woman together until death. Both Charles and I have been married and divorced. I realized that marriage was something I had done because I felt like it was the right thing to do at the time. Carrying for someone and loving them, but not really committed in making it work, or maintaining the sacredness of the marital bond.

This book is rated definitely a 10. It has changed our whole prospective of life and the way we choose to live as a family. This book opened up communication between Charles and I on topics that could make couple’s divorce, but we set boundaries before we opened up conversations on how we felt about marriage, infidelity, finances, forgiveness, divorce, past relationships, raising children, even down to house cleaning.

This book really teaches on selflessness and identifies ways that couples have tendencies to be selfish and justify it through the actions of their spouse. Such as, she cheated while we were dating, so I can do this now 2 years after we’re married. He bought new shoes for our daughter, so I am entitled to a new something or other. It really reveals how we can justify selfish motives.

I have appreciated this journey, it was not easy. There were definitely days I failed a dare because of my stubbornness and my selfishness. I have delved into deep forgiveness and the truth about TRUE UNCONDITIONAL LOVE. The love dare ended about 20 days ago, but the teachings in it will go on with us forever.

God is the best foundation we found that holds us together. We have been through so much in the past year, we have seen each other through very hard times. We have prayed for each other and with each other. God is working miracles in our lives daily. This book was a significant tool in allowing God to be apart of our relationship. It is the best dare we have ever taken.

Are you an Over Comer?

You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, 'I lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.'
Eleanor Roosevelt

Life changes and devastating events happen in a split second. One day you are on top of the world and feel invincible. The next day you are called by your doctor and told you have cancer. The person you love and planned your life with suddenly tells you that they are not in love with you. You are doing great in your job and working your butt off, you are being praised from your clients, staff, and bosses; only to find out you are being terminated. Your parent has given up the fight from an illness and are taken from you. Your children are playing and laughing when they are injured and a normal day is spent in the hospital.

True life story, I had a friend who came home from work and kissed her 2 young daughters as they were running out the door to go play with the neighborhood kids. Just an ordinary day, dinner time came around and her oldest daughter showed up, but not her youngest. After a quick sweep through the neighborhood, and sudden instinct in her and in a panic she called 911. “My daughter is missing” The quick kiss she received from her daughter Maddie running out to play was the last time she felt her, communicated with her. Maddie was murdered by a 14 year old boy who lived across the street. This did not only devastated a family, this affected a whole community.

Why does God allow these terrible things to happen? Why is there cancer, why do children get abducted, why do people fall out of love? I have to admit I have questioned, with God and all of His power, why do these things happen? The reality is we are not in Heaven, free from sin and evil, in heaven everything is perfect.

We have all dealt with devastating moments and most of us are still recovering from them. Life’s devastating lessons taught me, I am an over comer. Fighting for my life, fighting for my family, fighting for financial stability and fighting for love, though it felt to me at times I was fighting all by myself, God was with me. The truth is, He was already fighting and taking the big blows before I ever knew I was going to take up my sward. He put fantastic people in my life that fought with me, are still fighting for me and are my biggest fans.

You cannot plan for a life changing event, but your true character is tested and comes out when it strikes. Will you choose to be warrior an over comer?

Maddie’s mom, Sheila, is fighting laws to keep children safe, and honoring her sweet daughter by being a light and advocate for other families who’s children were taken from them, her daughter Jessie (big sister) just graduated from UNF and is a Victims Advocate with the State Attorney’s office in Florida. Just goes to show you that ordinary people, with devastating circumstances, are doing and can do extraordinary things.

Being honest with yourself

Question: Have you ever been asked “what is the hardest thing you find about being married and/or having a family“? Go ahead and ask yourself that question? Where you stand right now in your life what would your answer be?

In the past mine would have been “staying faithful, finding time for a girls night out with my friends, how can I fit those designer shoes in my family budget, how can I put in 90 hours at work each week and who is going to keep the kids, who will watch the kids while I go to the gym, affording designer clothes for the girls" Pathetic I know, but this is honesty.

My now and forever answer, The hardest part of having a family is finding ways to show them just how much I love them each and every day and making sure I give my absolute best in all aspects of life so no matter what I do they are proud of me.

Sweet Surrender

We have made it to day 25 of the Love Dare. So much has happened since I took the challenge of the dare. Years of walls that Charles and I had both built as defense mechanisms have crumbled. Time spent as a family is more precious and sacred.

A couple of chapters of the dare have dealt with Addictions and Lust. Of course this could be gambling, pornography, infidelity and drugs, but those addictions did not apply to our family. We have dealt with addictions to Netflix, Face book, Blogging, Video Games, Work, and delaying family time to Clean the house. These things might not seem much, but they slowly creep in and were barriers getting in the way of our family time. So we set family boundaries.

I am getting up earlier to have some me time, take a shower, read the bible and pray, prepare for the day (making lunches, signing homework, and working out if time permits) This allows the family time to sleep and energize while I am feeding my soul. Charles and I only get on Face book with each other, and to share updates and funny stories with Abby. YouTube is watched at night before bed, blogging is done on my lunch time, we watch a movie together as a family after dinner, if video games are played we are all in the room being a fan of the player. We even work as a family team with house cleaning we all pitch in to vacuum, steam mop, and deep clean daily. The house is tidy and this makes for a happier family.

I was a real hot mess before I met Charles, I had dealt with so much physically, mentally, and I had faced death on more than 1 occasion. I really think I had a hard time forgiving myself, no, I know this. You can’t stop your body from getting Cancer, but you can sure change your perspective on the way you deal with it. If someone has a sure will to hurt you, you can’t stop them, but you have a choice to stay in the abuse, or find the will to leave and put trust in God. I had been through all of this, but so had my children and I had a really hard time forgiving myself with allowing my kids to watch this. Doubting myself, hating myself, and when I would start to feel good about decisions I made as a parent, I would start to hate myself again. I knew my kids deserved better than what I had to give. The truth is “THEY DID”. It was up to me to get on the right path with God. Surrendering and giving Him my imperfections, my doubts, my insecurities laying them all down at His feet. This has been a process, it did not happen overnight. I have learned that God loves me despite my imperfections and he does allow illnesses to happen. I also know that the girls need a mother, and they love me. God plucks one bad root out of me each day and plants new seeds that I am nurturing and passing on. Surrendering my life meant forgiving people and forgiving me.

God gave me a True Partner in Charles, it’s not 50/50, 60/40 it’s 100/100. We 100% rely on God to guide our family and we 100% trust in Him to lead us, and we 100% love our family and we believe our family and time with them takes first place. The Love of God is euphoric; it fills emptiness, loneliness, anguish, and fear. Do I get sad because I miss my dad? Do I get anxious and lonely to see my family? Do I think back on the past and get overwhelmed? Do I look at my checkbook and think what in the world are we going to do? Well absolutely, daily. But I am able to deal with all of these things so much better now. I just talk to the Lord and give it to Him. My perspective changes, my mind is filled with a plan of action (God doesn’t do it all, He does require we do and play our part); but daily our family is renewed, strengthened and loving the Joy.

Day 15 and 16 Honor and Pray

Definition of honor: honesty, fairness, or integrity in one's beliefs and action. The courage to do what is right, no matter what, a belief that your actions represent more than just yourself, the recognition that what you do defines your entire generation.

I spent Day 15 of the love dare in reflection and asking in everything I do and everything I say do I honor Charles and the girls? The dare was to perform an action of honor for your spouse. Not only I am doing this for Charles, I am doing this for the girls as well. What can I do above the normal routine? The Love dare explains the act of honor as follows: “Of all the relationships I have, I will value ours the most. Of all the things I’m willing to sacrifice, I will sacrifice the most for you. With all your failures, sins, mistakes, and faults – past and present – I will choose to love and honor you.”

A song by Shane and Shane “The One You Need” had been following me for a couple of days. I had never heard it before, but it appeared on Facebook, it was played on K-love. How can I honor the girls? I planted seeds for the girls; I sent each of their fathers the song, praying that they would feel the same as me. I am human and I may let them down at times, but having Jesus in their lives will give them love ever lasting. I love those angels more than my own life. They have been through so much. I know that to honor them is the Love and Serve the Lord. This is not something I have done throughout their lives. At bedtime, we tucked them in and to honor them even more I prayed over them. Casting all of the cares at Gods feet and asking the Lord to be the master parent in their lives.

How do I honor Charles? I held him close when I got home and told him "I am so proud of the man you are, I love you, and most of all I trust you". Have you ever told someone I trust you? I trust you is more powerful than I love you sometimes. Later I said a prayer over Charles, for God to be his master parent. I prayed for God to give him the gift of discernment, for God to work in Charles so he would be a wonderful influence and leader not only in our home, but out in the world, and I gave Charles to God. Knowing that God loves him greater and bigger than any way he is loved on this earth.

I know that to honor my family is to Love the Lord, and in everything I do, in everything I say, and in every action I perform I must lead by example and live my life doing my very best for God. Colossians 3:17 And whatsoever ye do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God and the Father by him.Shane and Shane "The One You Need"

Psalm 127:3-5 Children are a gift from the Lord

Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a reward from him. Children born to a young man are like arrows in a warrior's hands. How joyful is the man whose quiver is full of them! He will not be put to shame when he confronts his accusers at the city gates.

When anyone asks Charles do you have any children? He quickly responds "Yes, 2 little girls". He absolutely looks at Abby and Kaylin as gifts from the Lord. During our Love Journey we have watched Fireproof the movie and Facing the Giants. Both movies really opened our hearts to reality and how we have let the world lead our decisions and not God. We are allowing God to lead the way we live our lives and dictate what is most important.

In the movie Facing the Giants, the main characters a Football Coach and his wife, learn that having children is impossible for them. When it seems that their faith is being tested and they are hitting rock bottom, he asks his wife "If God never gives us a baby will you still love Him"; she doesn't answer at the time she just stands and holds her husband. I turned to look at Charles at this point of the movie, to see tears streaming down his cheeks. I then asked him "if God never gives us a baby will you still love Him" he looked at me perplexed. He said to me "Baby we have 2 girls and lots of animals; if this is God’s plan for us I accept it and I will love Him, I will love you and I will love those girls! You all are my family”. He was sincere, speaking from his heart and the truth is his actions show that his statement is true.

The girls fight over who is going to sit next to him at the dinner table, Abby is the first to ask him can I sit next to you when we watch a movie tonight. After dinner is over each night, he asks us to wait on clearing the table just to sit around and laugh and talk as a family. He loves to sit on the floor and play with Kaylin and the newest McDonald's toy they got in their happy meal. He and Abby play Plants vs. Zombies on his iphone (to watch this and listen is hysterical). He takes turns riding the girls on the tractor when he mows. Each of the girls is different, but he adapts to each personality and loves them both. He reminds me so much of my dad and how he loved us girls and grandchildren. Everyone so different, but daddy had a way to adapt and spend time with each of us talking, being quiet or being silly. He was a love chameleon and so is Charles.

Recapping chapters 8 - 13

Day 8 - Love is Not Jealous
Love is as strong as death, its jealousy unyielding as the grave. It burns like blazing fire. – Song of Solomon 8:6 NIV
Recap – Be your spouse’s biggest fan, don’t be jealous of their accomplishments. Have a jealous love for your mate as God has a jealous love over his children. The Lord your God is a consuming fire, a jealous God” (Deuteronomy 4:24).


Day 9 -Love Makes Good Impressions
Greet one another with a kiss of love. – 1 Peter 5:14
Recap – Greet your spouse with a smile, enthusiasm, and warmth. Be excited to see them and affectionate. Change your daily greeting so they see and feel your love for them.


Day 10 - Love is Unconditional
God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ dies for us. – Romans 5:8
Recap – Agape love – the truest of love; phileo – friendship; eros – sexual love. If a man says I have fallen out of love with my wife, he was never really in unconditional “agape” love to begin with. Agape love is the greatest of love, completely unconditional, unselfish and forgiving the type of love that God has for us.



Day 11 - Love Cherishes
Husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. – Ephesians 5:28
Recap – Loving, caring and cherishing your mate as you would yourself. Don’t allow the culture of this world determine how you treat your mate “don’t treat them as an object than can be discarded or replaced” Choose to love and stay with your mate regardless of imperfections.


Day 12 -Love Lets the Other Win
Do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests others. – Philippians 2:4
Recap -The wisdom that is from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, willing to yield” James 3:17 stop treating your mate like an enemy, treat them like your best friend. As long as you do not comprise the values of God, bend in a disagreement, tell them you are placing their preference first.


Day 13 - Love Fights Fair
If a house is divided against itself, that house will not be able to stand. – Mark 3:25
Recap – In the thick of conflict is where marriages can break, leading spouses into infidelity, lust, irrational anger and judgmental words. Remember, Love (Agape, Unconditional) can step in, allow love to remind you that the fight is not as important as your spouse. Learn to fight clean, and talk openly about boundaries. This chapter discusses “We” boundaries and “Me” boundaries, so when a disagreement heats up neither takes low blows.